People who have been to the home of the manager who bullied me comment on the number of photos there are. One person said to me that most people have photos of their loved ones on display in the lounge. This manager’s are all of himself. Mostly, he is posing with a guitar (he has been in local rock bands for many years and is moderately talented). Does this show who the person he loves most is?!
He told me many times that his childhood was unhappy and his parents gave him minimal attention. I have generally found in life that people who have this sort of background can go one of two ways: they either vow that they will be different and never treat anyone this way; or they follow the pattern already set and bully and demean those they see as suitable victims. Unfortunately, this manager appears to have followed the latter path. He appears to want others to know what it feels like to be singled out for bad treatment.
He has been a manager for most of the time he has worked at the organisation, which is part of a very large civil service department. [I believe that he has only ever worked for the civil service.] He could easily have a comfortable life as a civil servant and enjoy the attention of performing in a rock band in this small, historically important seaside town in the South East of England. He can be polite and charming at times, so is clearly aware of how he should behave in the office. However, he periodically upsets colleagues and has to answer to more senior managers. It makes me wonder about his motivation for this: is it malice; impulsiveness; attention-seeking; or for the excitement of risk-taking and “outwitting” others? Whatever his motivating factors, his suitability to manage people is questionable.
His demeanour is fidgety; he has hand tremors; is attention-seeking; loud and, in the office at least, his confidence and self-belief might be seen as exceeding his ability. He seems to see himself as powerful to the point of invincibility and to behave as if he can say and do whatever he likes. It appeared to me that he would often strike a pose in the office (presenting himself in what he believed was his most attractive light). I always felt that in his own eyes he had the starring role in his little world! Interestingly, he is able to have several late nights in the working week but never show any signs of fatigue.
Although, thankfully, he does not seem to treat his children badly, he does at times misuse his “power” as a manager. When he has been questioned because of his behaviour in the office, he loudly and emphatically denies the allegation. He said to me several times that he lies his way out of trouble [which he did in the investigation into the reasons I gave for asking to move from his team].
He likes to create an “inner circle” of cronies on his team. However, he makes derogatory comments about all team members in their absence which creates an unpleasant atmosphere. It seems to me that by constantly criticising colleagues he bolsters his own ego. There may also be an element of the “divide and rule” principle used by more insecure managers in that, if the team do not trust each other, he will find it easier to maintain his authority. It is said that bullies are basically insecure.
Most people accept that not every man or woman with whom they want a relationship will be interested. It happens to all of us and most of us accept it without too much angst. For the more narcissistic, the blow to the ego can be large enough for them to want to punish the other person, especially if there is a perceived imbalance of power.
[After I resigned from the civil service, I believe he also made derogatory comments about me on social media. Again, I would question whether this is appropriate behaviour for a manager. If anyone who read his comments is prepared to make a statement so that action can be taken this would be greatly appreciated.]
Finally, to paraphrase the old Carly Simon song: I bet he thinks this post is about him!
March 2016 update: I believe that this manager was angry about this post and wanted to get it removed. It seems the saying that “those who dish it out can’t take it” might be true on this occasion! I am simply trying to put my point of view about workplace and online bullying into this blog.
When his behaviour towards others in the office is questioned he tells people that he will not be able to support his sons if he loses his job. I believe he said this more recently when fewer people came to watch him perform in his band. It seems to me that if it looks as though his actions could affect him financially he sets out to make people feel sorry for him. Unfortunately, he did not appear to feel sorry for me when he bullied me.
I also believe that any employer should be concerned enough to take action if there are a number of complaints about a manager, no matter how they are explained away at an investigation. It would appear to show a course of behaviour. Those who are alleged to have bullied may need help and support to change their strategies for dealing with people, and how they view themselves. Otherwise, they should possibly no longer manage others but be given different duties or demoted.
Until next time . . . !
————————————————————————————————————————-Thank you for the great comments which are very encouraging
————————————————————————————————————————
I really enjoy the article.Really looking forward to read more. Much obliged. Hussain
I cannot thank you enough for the forum post.Much thanks again. Great. Founds
Really Appreciate this post, is there any way I can get an email whenever you make a new update?
“Very informative article post.Really looking forward to read more. Fantastic.”
I have read so many articles about the blogger lovers however this paragraph is truly a pleasant post, keep it up.
Hi there! I’m at work browsing your blog from my new iphone 4!
Just wanted to say I love reading through your blog and look
forward to all your posts! Keep up the superb work!
Passion the website– extremely individual friendly and whole lots to see!
You’ve gotten one of the greatest online websites
You’re an extremely helpful internet site; could not make it without ya!
I value the data on your internet site. Many thanks!.
Many thanks very beneficial. Will certainly share site with my good friends
A round of applause for your post.Really thank you! Demart
I delight in the details on your site. thnx!.
It is in point of fact a nice and helpful piece of information. I am satisfied that you shared this useful info with us.
Please keep us up to date like this. Thanks for sharing.
Hi there great website! Does running a blog similar to this require a massive
amount work? I had been hoping to start my own blog in the near future.
Anyway, if you have any recommendations or tips for
new blog owners please share.
Kudos!
I am glad for writing to make you be aware of of the fantastic discovery my cousin’s daughter experienced using your blog. She came to understand lots of pieces, most notably what it is like to have an awesome teaching nature to make others effortlessly know precisely various advanced issues. You undoubtedly exceeded our own desires. Thanks for presenting those good, dependable, revealing as well as unique tips about the topic to Ethel.
Hi there, for all time i used to check weblog posts here
in the early hours in the morning, because i enjoy to find out more
and more.
If you are going for best contents like I do, simply pay a visit this
web page every day as it presents feature contents, thanks
I was more than happy to find this internet-site.I wished to thanks in your time for this glorious learn!! I positively enjoying every little little bit of it and I’ve you bookmarked to take a look at new stuff you blog post.
I just want to say I am all new to blogging and site-building and definitely savored this web blog. Almost certainly I’m want to bookmark your blog post . You definitely have perfect stories. With thanks for sharing your webpage.
You could definitely see your enthusiasm within the work you write. The sector hopes for more passionate writers such as you who are not afraid to say how they believe. At all times go after your heart.
Howdy very cool website!! Guy .. Excellent .. Wonderful .. I will bookmark your web site and take the feeds additionally¡KI’m glad to search out numerous useful info right here in the submit, we need develop extra strategies in this regard, thank you for sharing. . . . . .
Good website! I truly love how it is easy on my eyes and the data are well written. I’m wondering how I might be notified whenever a new post has been made. I’ve subscribed to your RSS which must do the trick! Have a great day!
Hello. Great job. I did not imagine this. This is a excellent story. Thanks!
Very good written information. It will be valuable to everyone who usess it, as well as me. Keep up the good work – i will definitely read more posts.
You are a very capable person!
Wow! This can be one particular of the most useful blogs We’ve ever arrive across on this subject. Basically Great. I’m also an expert in this topic so I can understand your hard work.
It certainly is almost impossible to come across well-updated americans on this content, still you appear like you fully grasp the things that you’re writing on! Bless You
Of course, what a magnificent site and educative posts, I will bookmark your blog.Have an awsome day!
But wanna comment that you have a very decent internet site , I love the pattern it really stands out.
Some really excellent posts on this website, thank you for contribution. “Better shun the bait, than struggle in the snare.” by John Dryden.
Some genuinely good info , Glad I noticed this. “Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.” by Woody Allen.
I am just writing to let you be aware of what a great discovery my friend’s girl encountered browsing your site. She figured out a lot of issues, which include what it is like to have an awesome helping nature to let others clearly fully grasp a variety of extremely tough topics. You really exceeded visitors’ desires. Thanks for distributing the warm and friendly, trustworthy, explanatory not to mention easy tips on your topic to Lizeth.
Really Appreciate this update, how can I make is so that I get an update sent in an email when you publish a new article?
Amazing post i like this very much